the handshake

It blows my mind that there are people in this world who don't know how to shake hands. There are approximately TWO things a person needs to know for a successful handshaking experience.
1. Firm
2. Web to Web

How is it that at least 50% of the people I shake hands with do it wrong? Why the hell didn't someone teach you how to do it?
I've been struggling with which is worse, the limp fish from a man or from a woman. I can't decide. I guess it depends on the clam level. Well that's it, that's it right there. If you ever want to tell someone that "I am so oblivious and nobody has ever bothered to show me how to shake a hand" you hand them a cold, clammy dead fish.
What is wrong with you?
1. Firm
2. Web to Web

I can' t fucking believe people don't know this.

But hey, I will look on the bright side. Being myself and not having anything amazing to offer, at least I have the handshake down. I'll always have that. Always and forever.